In which our Hero must decide which path to take for the next eighteen months.

As promised, I've found the time to sit down this morning and work on another post about the thought processes that have been percolating in my mind recently.

The past couple of months at work have been, well, stressful, to say the least. We have two shops in town, one of which is going through a huge staffing turn-over. I started doing a couple of shifts a week there to help out with the transition and it was quite a challenge. A new environment for me (although, obviously, a familiar one), with new people, new customers and, to a certain extent, different expectations. One thing that's been nice is that they tend to sell more bulk coffee than my store does and it's given me a chance to talk more in depth with customers about our different coffees and to recommend different things and then—and this is one of the fun things—to have those customers then come in and say that they loved the Ethiopia Yirgacheffe. Or hated it. Or were unimpressed by the smoky almost tobacco quality of the Sumatra Mandheling that I love.

So, it's been a challenge to be often the only fairly experienced person on during a shift and often the only espresso-trained person on during at least part of a shift. But, it's made me focus a lot more too on what I was doing. What needs to get done. What makes things work. What doesn't. Etc. I've often applied this to relationships or other bad emotional experiences, but it makes sense to apply it here too: if you can learn something from it, it was worth it.

And I've been learning a lot.

As I may have mentioned, I've also started espresso-training the new hires as they get comfortable with everything else and are ready to throw the espresso machine into the mix. We use fully manual machines that are a lot of fun to work with once you get the hang of it. It doesn't really change the learning curve all that much, but it's one more thing to take into account in what is already a very high mountain to climb. Training tends to be an all-day thing, usually around five hours or so. And again, it's been as much a learning experience for me as it has been for the people I've been training.

It's one thing for me to go into work every day and pull shots that I'm satisfied with (and those of you who know me know that I set ridiculously high standards for myself oftentimes, especially when it's something I have a demonstrated passion about). It's quite another thing to trap someone in a little training room with me who's never pulled a shot of espresso in her life and have me try to communicate all of the different nuances of using the machine and grinding and tamping and evaluating the quality of the shots. Initially, it was quite difficult for me to look at the results that my students were getting and to try to figure out what they were doing wrong. My shots were excellent. Why shouldn't theirs be?

And so I've been doing a lot of self-educating about espresso technique and other things to help me troubleshoot what my students aren't doing quite right. I've probably learned more about the specifics of espresso preparation in the past two months than I have in the past six years since I was first shown how to use an espresso machine when I worked at the Barnes and Noble Café at the end of high school.

Of course, me being me, the more I learn, the more I want to know; the more I realise that I don't know; the more deeply my knowledge goes while at the same time I want to keep pushing out its breadth. Luckily, I'm working for a company that would very much like to encourage this curiosity and this passion that I'm developing by making available a small library of books and videos and dvds and trade magazines. I've made only a small dent so far, but I'm working on it. And, needless to say, the internet has been a fantastic resource as well. Message boards, blogs, websites, podcasts, Flickr, YouTube, etc.

Has anyone guessed where this is going yet?

I've always had a strong interest in good coffee and over the past year have gained a lot of knowledge in the area and have, for the most part, very much enjoyed my job. When I haven't, it hasn't been because of the job itself so much as the people I was working with. It can be very frustrating to work with people who simply don't care about what they are producing. They may not have the same level of passion, but if they don't even care about the quality of what they're serving to the customer, then there's a problem. It's been those situations that frustrate me the most. Put me behind that bar, though, and let me loose and I don't care if I've got a line to the door for an hour. I'm in espresso zen.

And so the dilemma.

Do I nurture this passion? The simple and somewhat obvious answer is yes. Why not go with this for now? I have no inclination to head back to school right now and, even if I did, I don't know that I'd want to go back for history. Law, perhaps, maybe, possibly, but, clearly, that's not a very firm answer. An academic career appeals to me less and less right now. Maybe later. The good thing is that I don't feel pressured in any way to jump back into education or to find a 'real' job. As I said to my step-mother when I was talking to her about all this the other night, the job I have right now is as real as any other. She agreed with me. One of the many reasons I love her.

So, the answer to the first question is the easiest. Go with this for now. Who knows where it might take me. Coffee is a huge and ever-growing and ever-changing field.

The subsequent questions become more difficult.

If I want to nurture this passion, I'd be a fool to leave the job that I'm in right now. It's a position that I stand to gain a lot more knowledge from. It's secure and I'm very proud to work with the people I work with and to be a part of this company.

On the other hand, Portland is continuing to suck my soul from me. I need to move on to a larger city. Recently, I've started to learn to appreciate the fact that I can go just about anywhere and run into people I know and have a good time. But that's a problem when I just want to go out somewhere and be alone and anonymous. I've been getting somewhat comfortable but at the same time quite anxious.

If I want to be serious about coffee, the East Coast isn't really the place to do it. True, there are some great places—my shop being one of them, I'd like to think—but the Northwest is still the undisputed coffee capital of North America. And without getting too complicated and thinking about trying to return to Canada on a work visa or a permanent residency (maybe later...), that brings my choices down to two cities: Seattle and the other Portland.

This is what I was talking about when I said I was thinking some crazy thoughts, crazy for me anyway. Actually, I think the word that I used was 'radical' but same difference.

Of course, I'm not one to pick up and move across the continent just like that. It was a big enough leap for me to pick up and move here a year ago without a job secured and a bare minimum of money in the bank. As it is, I've got $50 in my bank account right now. And it's $1400 to rent a uHaul from Portland to Portland. (Yes, of course I've looked.)

So, although I'm not the kind of person simply to pick up and move, it's something that's at the back of my mind. From what I know of the two cities, I think I'd prefer Portland over Seattle. The funny thing is, the more people I've talked to about this idea, the more random connections I seem to have via other people: a friend's sister recently moved there; a friend's ex lives there and is looking for a roommate; a former regular at my bar moved there six months ago and bought a house with an in-law apartment over the garage....

I'm at a point in my life where, even though I'm very much about having things planned out well in advance, there's still a part of me that says, Why not just do it? Break out of this whole New England thing and just go for it. Who knows where it's going to take you? You moved to Montréal knowing no one and had the best five years of your life. Oregon is nothing like Québec and Portland is probably nothing like Montréal but that's not really the point, is it?

Things are necessarily in limbo right now as my bosses are away for a month. They can, and I know they will, offer great advice on this current dilemma. I need to talk to them about my job and the various and sundry hats that I'm currently wearing (did I mention that I've been doing one day a week doing office work, too?) and figure out a way in which I can fairly learn all that I can from them with the full knowledge that I'm doing it in order to secure a better future for myself somewhere other than here. In other words, I don't want to use them for their knowledge and leave. They already know that I'm unhappy in the city but quite happy in my job so it won't exactly come as a surprise.

In the meantime, over the next month, I need to sit down and take a serious look at my finances, draw up a budget and stick to it. Strictly. I've not been saving any money recently which really freaks me out. I don't make a ton but I make enough that I should be able to save a decent bit of money each month. Even if, in this hypothetical future, I have to rent the uHaul on credit, I should be able to save enough over the next six months to a year in order to be able to live on for a bit before finding a job out west. If that's where I end up.

Like I wrote yesterday, I'm starting to make plans and goals. But not rigid ones that I'm going to stick to should things change.

You never know what life is going to throw at you.

My life, especially, rather enjoys throwing curve balls that smack me upside the head. It ends up getting me to first base once I wake up from blacking out but that's kind of not the point.